"Eesa preferred cremation, he told me once. Incineration frees the soul from the crutches of the body, he believed and not allowed to mingle with the upper castes in life, with the ashes and embers of his cremation, in death he wanted to 'pollute' the hell out of the earth they walk upon, the air they breathe and the water they drink. He didn't want to trade the caste's prison for the cell of the burial casket either."
"It wasn't time for him to go because there're lots of battles to fight yet," Jagat said to Sameer on the phone, his voice quivering, and immediately drove home and proceeded for a shower into the bathroom where a bucket of water sat still under the spout of the hand pump. To awaken from the stupor into which the news of Eesa's death had thrust him, he splashed some water on his face before looking in the mirror; a few drops of water were clinging to his beard for dear life; he felt like one of those drops wanting to remain alive for the world he once dreamed would be all roses if only independence could be hurried.
In the pockmarked mirror Jagat's face appeared hazy as he pondered the past, the present and the future. Ram had turned devil, Eesa was dead, Rahim was far away in Delhi and he felt alone. He soon picked up Ratno and the Fiat sped up because he wanted to each the creation ground before the day's demise. There was silence in the car. After Ram's betrayal, Jagat had turned more and more to Eesa and Rahim. Eesa's looming departure for Britain had been breaking his heart. Allowing him time to grieve within himself Ratno hadn't prodded him to talk either.
Dusk was casting its shadow over Zillapur when the Fiat pulled into the cremation ground. Ratno and Jagat got out and he walked over and stood in front of the pyre, Ratno and Sujata on either side of him. Without saying a word he moved toward the canopy, and under it, put his hand on blackened bulge on Eesa's forehead. "Eesa's been killed," he thought, but despite that Eesa's face seemed the epitome of peace. . Perhaps he didn't have the heart to leave the country, a reassurance Jagat needed to defeat his own despondence. He picked up a piece of wood, rested it on the stacks around Eesa's head so it covered but didn't touch his face lest Eesa might hurt. But Eesa was dead, forever numb to all pain, he remembered. Suddenly he experienced an intense desire to die, to be pain free. Never in the midst of many defeats of his life ad he succumbed to such self loathing. He stood there as Jaggi and Sameer placed more pieces of wood to cover Eesa's face. Jalan sprinkled kerosene oil on the pyre, lit the torch and handed it to Jagat. Torch in hand he stood there, staring at it and the pyre, the one who had torched many a pyre without flinching stood unable to take the torch to the pile of dry wood. Jaggi put his hand to the torch and gestured Sameer to do the same and soon the flames carried embers skyward only to crash against the canopy and return to earth. Occasionally the breeze turned into gust helping embers avoid the deathly crash into the canopy and escape to the heavens, with them part of Eesa too ascended to heavens, perhaps he thought; Eesa did believe in heaven hell, he said to himself.
Soon Jagat and Ratno were on the way to Chajjuwara and Jagat was still silent. Ratno asked,
"Are you alright?"
"I'm just tired. Can't stand his England thing," he said keeping his eyes on the road. The headlights of the old Fiat were not much help in the dark night.
"You're quiet because you couldn't stay at the mansion with Sujata."
"No, I've just lost one of my dearest friends. I've been thinking whether life has any meaning; the prisons, the partition, the teaching, the love, the children, money, what meaning do any of them have? But as to your question, I do feel like a fraud sleeping with two women and one of hem from my own village but I can't discard the one who's there for me when I needed her, not even for a rediscovered love. I don't know how Sujata would feel once she knows our past. Jaggi knows, the other kids will know. I don't want to lose my children's respect and I'm afraid I might. Fighting them for a modicum of respect would be the end of me."
Early in the morning the boys gathered Eesa's ashes and returned to the mansion for breakfast. The three of them sitting at the corner of the table were devouring Sujata' pranthas when she asked, "Jaggi beta, how was life in Delhi and your father, where is he?"
"Mom brought me up. Only she can tell you about my father. It's complicated," he said.
"Ratno Bhen has done such a good job of raising you, such handsome and smart beta," she said looking at him.
From Jaggi's face she saw a glimpse of Jagat staring at her and she stopped herself from thinking; she did not want to think about it; she had no right to pass judgement, she told herself.
Jaggi and Sameer left for Chajjuwara and Teg for Amritsar.
As they talked on the bus returning home Sameer suddenly called Jaggi "Bha". A few moments later, overcoming his hesitation, Jaggi said, "Sameer, I'm in fact, your brother. Papa's my biological father, too."
"How can it be? Mom and Papa, both from Qaadian?" said Sameer holding tight the bar atop the seat before him, perhaps to ensure what he had just heard didn't render him unmoored. The bus chugged along. Suspended between acceptance and rejection by Sameer's silent stare, Jaggi explained it.
"So you're okay with it?" asked Sameer.
"It is hard to argue with truth. Others would think me hramdaa, worse than a leper. But mom and Papa love me. I've hated them and yelled enough at them already. I mustn't punish them for being human. Kill them? Commit suicide? Papa's a good man, a great man really. Mom says often we don't see the greatness if it happens to live among us."
The bus stopped; it had reached the Chajjuwara bus station.
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